How does shyness develop

People with social phobia often need the help of a therapist to overcome extreme shyness. Someone with social phobia — or extreme shyness — can overcome it! It takes time, patience, courage, and practice. But it's worth the hard work. The payoff is enjoying more friends, having more fun, and feeling more confident.

We can't change our true inner nature and who would want to? If you have a naturally shy style, or if shyness holds you back, you might have to work at developing a sense of ease around new people. Most people find that the more they practice socializing, the easier it gets. Practicing social skills — like assertiveness ; conversation; and friendly, confident body language — can help people overcome shyness, build confidence, and get more enjoyment from everyday experiences.

Reviewed by: Colleen Sherman, PhD. Larger text size Large text size Regular text size. What Is Shyness? Reacting to New Things New and unfamiliar situations can bring out shy feelings — like the first day of school, meeting someone new, or speaking in front of a group for the first time.

Why Are Some People Shy? Our genes determine our physical traits, like height, eye color, skin color, and body type. But genes also influence certain personality traits, including shyness. But not everyone with a genetic tendency to be shy develops a shy temperament. Life experiences also play a role. Life experiences. When people are faced with a situation that may lead them to feel shy, how they deal with that situation can shape their future reactions to similar situations.

For example, if people who are shy approach new things little by little, it can help them become more confident and comfortable. But if they feel pushed into situations they don't feel prepared for, or if they are teased or bullied , it can make them even more shy. The examples other people set can also play a role in whether a person learns to be shy or not. If the parents of a shy child are overly cautious or overprotective, it can teach the child to back away from situations that might be uncomfortable or unfamiliar.

Shy Strength Many people want to reduce their shyness. If you're trying to become less shy, it can help to remember: Overcoming shyness takes practice. People who are shy tend to give themselves fewer chances to practice social behaviors.

It's no wonder that people who shy away from socializing don't feel as socially confident as those who are outgoing — they have less practice! The more you practice social behaviors, the easier they get, and the more natural they feel for you. Take slow, steady steps forward.

Behaving and not getting into trouble. Listening attentively to others. Being easy to look after. Personality — emotionally sensitive and easily intimidated babies are more likely to grow up to be shy children.

Learned behaviour — children learn by imitating their most influential role models: their parents. Overprotective parents may teach their children to be inhibited and afraid, especially of new situations. Lack of social interaction — children who have been isolated from others for the first few years of their lives may not have the social skills that enable easy interaction with unfamiliar people.

Harsh criticism — children who are teased or bullied by significant people in their lives parents, siblings and other close family members or friends may tend towards shyness. The vicious cycle If a child acts shy in a social situation, they may berate themselves for their behaviour afterwards. Children and adults tend to live up to the labels others give them.

Never criticise or mock your child when they are shy. Be supportive, empathic and understanding. Encourage your child to talk about the reasons for their shyness — what are they afraid of? Tell your child about times in your life when you have been shy and how you overcame it. Since young children often see their parents as perfect, admitting to your own shyness can make your child feel better and reduce their overall anxiety. Be outgoing yourself. Model confident behaviour and lead by example.

Strategies for the parent It is possible for the parent to encourage their child to be more outgoing. Practice these strategies with your child. Tell your child about the many advantages of not being shy. Offer examples from your own life. Encourage outgoing behaviour. Praise your child when they handle an unfamiliar situation or meet a new person without resorting to shyness. Try goal-setting with your child.

Aim for small, incremental steps and praise them for their progress. Deliberately take your child into new situations.

Aim for small changes in behaviour first and gradually build up. For example, reward a child if they greet someone who is new to them.

Be supportive. For example, a shy child may be more likely to isolate themselves in a playground and watch everybody else rather than engaging. That then makes them feel more comfortable being on their own because that becomes their common experience. And because of that, you can always change it through psychological therapies that can teach you techniques to cope.

A shy child may be more likely to isolate themselves in a playground - and feel more comfortable being on their own Credit: Getty Images. It might be not being able to talk to people at work, difficulties socialising or being in a situation where they feel they're going to be judged or evaluated by other people. She says that cognitive behavioural therapy CBT is the most effective psychological therapy for people who have shyness and social anxiety.

This evidence-based therapy works by trying to change your thought and behaviour patterns. Focusing on the people in the room rather than whether you're speaking correctly can help calm public speaking nerves, experts say Credit: Getty Images.

Sometimes the problem is that people who struggle with something like public speaking due to shyness often set themselves very high standards for how they should perform in such a situation, she explains. If they are able to relieve some of the pressure on themselves, allowing themselves short pauses to take a breath might help alleviate some of that anxiety.

Focusing on the audience rather than yourself can help you be less caught up in whether you stumble over your words. She also suggests challenging yourself by being more open to new situations.

This means changing your script. Ask yourself what you fear most about social situations. Are you worried about appearing boring? Or running out of things to say? The more you know about your anxiety, the more you can start to challenge it. Jessie Sun, a PhD student at the University of California Davis who researches the psychology of personality, stresses that shyness and introversion are not the same thing.